The Little Miss Grows Up A Bit

At last!
After a long time, I've finally come out of my cave to write again!
It has been over a month since I last visited my blog and I'm sorry I failed to say my temporary goodbyes.  But that was past and now, allow me to explain myself a bit.

During the entire time I was gone, I was preparing myself for our country's board exams.
If we pass the exams {at least 70% score for every subject}, we are given a license to practice as engineers.
In the Philippines, we take up review classes for 6 months or less under a review center's tutelage. The process is tedious! We all have to cram up and memorize 4 extremely broad subjects inside our heads. Every topic discussed in college must be remembered and additional trivial information, memorized.
Six grueling months of study, 3 months of staring at the white canvas, watching and trying to remember the questions+answers that flash from the projector for 3 hours, 3 & sometimes 4 times a week!

And well, the sad part is...
I didn't pass.
Me and 6 of my friends.

You might note that I particularly said 'sad' and  not devastated or depressed or upset.

To be honest, the only thing I felt the moment I found out about it, was my pride being pricked.
I was sad {actually cried} for my friends who had the greatest desire to become engineers.
I only allowed myself to take up the board exams to challenge myself for once that I could make a sacrifice to honor my parents. Despite my efforts, I still failed. But I did not think it was a waste of time.

I learned 2 things:
*To pursue is to leave everything behind you and move forward.
Part of my failure was that my head was full of distractions. During review class, my mind was somewhere else. I find myself drifting with my thoughts and could not concentrate. I was fidgety. I prayed to God to help me overcome this, but my mind rebelled at the idea of putting all else behind me and start to make a run for this endeavor.

* To strengthen+value my friendship with my batchmates {now my friends}
Yes. Despite us being together for 4 years, I was not very close to them. I mostly hung out with 3 friends the entire time.  But in the last 6 months, our friendship had grown after sitting together for 4 hours among strangers! {Other reviewees came from other provinces and schools} This experience I would have not exchanged with anything else.

When the results came out, people consoled me and told me that there was always a next time. I would always just smile and tell them that I don't intend to take it up again. Somehow, the Lord was leading me to a detour. That this was simply not for me.

It was funny how my father had scolded me for taking it up. He wasn't expecting it from me since we have already talked about my desire to become a fashion designer. Everyone in the family knew that I was never pursuing an engineering career. But the situation had made me smile. The Lord was affirming me , through my father, that I should set my sights on becoming what I had always dreamed about since I was a child.

Knowing this in my heart creates a kaleidoscope of emotions. Looking up ahead, at the journey that God set me up, I feel so happy and excited. But somehow fear finds a way to creep in the corners. But all the more, it allows me to rely on to God's promise.